Wildcat's Wife

This is what happened to me last night at Whole Foods…

Last night, I drove across town and trudged through the pouring rain to Whole Foods Market. I was on a mission to find scallop potatoes. Whole Foods has a stunning collection of potatoes. They offer Fingerling, Purple, Red, White, Yellow, New, Idaho or Russet, which I later found out were one in the same, but no Scallop. Frankly, I was beginning to get distressed.

I panicked and texted Wildcat. He immediately phoned me (laughing uncontrollably). Hipsters were walking by confidently picking out potatoes and scurrying off in their stylish scarves. I felt undeniably small like a clove of garlic. I adjusted my obese Russian hat. The gray flappy ears had fuzzy balls on the ends, which were hitting me in the face. A man in produce brushed by with a compliment, “Nice hat.”

Me: “Whole Foods doesn’t have scallop potatoes,” I said, crestfallen.

Wildcat: (busting-a-gut-laughing) Scallop potatoes is the dish. You’re so cute. Just buy yellow potatoes.”

Me: “What do they look like?”

Wildcat: “They’re yellow.”

I’m learning to cook and will be attempting to make William-Sonoma’s Cheese Potato Gratin recipe for Thanksgiving. Lord help us all. I’m gonna need wine and lots of it.

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